Carson's Salvation

Well, coming home Sunday night from church the kids and I were discussing salvation and about security of the believer...Gracen has a friend that goes to another denomination than we do and she has been asking a lot of questions about what they believe. I was muddling my way through answering them the best I could when Carson starts crying and says that he doesn't think he is saved and that he hasn't thought he was for a while now. He says that every Sunday when Bro. Robert says "If you died today do you know if you would go to Heaven?" that he doesn't know for sure if he will or not and that he's afraid he won't. I asked him if he remembers getting saved and he says he remembers telling me he got saved, remembers that he knew how he was saved and all of that, that he was baptized afterwards, but he doesn't remember actually praying and asking Jesus into his heart. I asked him if he remembered what he had told me that night when he told me he had already been saved (this was back when he was 6) He said sortave..he remembered that he told me that he had been saved at VBS closing in May..it was now August...but now he doesn't really remember if he actually prayed and asked Jesus into his heart. He thinks maybe he just knew how but he never really did it. Of course Gracen chimed in and told all about how she remembers where she was, Kidz Kamp when she was 7, and gave her entire story and what she prayed, etc. I told him that it didn't take exact words or a certain prayer exactly but that it did mean that you should know that you believed that Jesus died for your sins on the cross, that you asked him to forgive you of your sins and to come into your heart and live there forever and that no one could ever take that away from you just like we had been talking about with Gracen's questions. I didn't want to "convince" him he was saved if he wasn't and I didn't want to do the opposite so I just tried to tell him the basics in as simple way as I could. Anyway, I asked him if he was comfortable with the fact that he had done that and that he had asked Jesus into his heart and he said, no, he didn't think so. He just didn't remember doing it. He just remembered all the other stuff. I told him we could pull over right there and take care of it but that it was up to him and he said let's do it when we get home. I was glad so that Marty could be there, too. We got home and Marty asked him about it and he told Marty the same thing so we prayed together as a family and Carson prayed and asked Jesus into his heart. Afterwards, I asked him how he felt about it and he said much better. He seemed very relieved. He said he had been worrying about it for a while.

I really have worried about Carson's experience the first time..worried that he would look back and doubt it b/c then, when he was 6, he insisted that he didn't need to pray and ask Jesus into his heart at the time b/c he had already done it and I think he had all the mental ability b/c he's always understood everything so much earlier than most that he understood it so he thought well, I did it, but now looking back he's not sure he really meant it and at 9 doesn't really remember actually doing it..he just remembers telling me, then talking about it and answering all the questions b/c he did know all the answers and then getting baptized. I don't know whether he was saved then or not..maybe he was and he's just doubting it now...I really don't know. BUT, I believe he knows it now and that is the assurance that I want him to have. Whether he was before or not is really not an issue for me, it is that he now has whatever it was he was needing. Thank the Lord!! With the last week of so much sadness surrounding Hannah and my heavy heart and burden for her and her family, this did so much to lift my spirit. I still am burdened for the Sullivan's, but it was a bright spot in an otherwise depressing week.